home.

its funny. humans are nomadic explorers in a sense. but in a very real way, we need home.

what is home?

a place? a feeling? is home tangible?

i dont know. i just had a funny thought earlier. i was thinking on it...and well, before i lose my grasp on the train of thought i then thought to myself to write it down.

i was born and raised in jersey city, nj. a place i had called my home for 26 years of my life. i guess you can say...that place was home. i recently went back and while it felt sort of like home...it was no longer my home. places changed, people werent where they used to be...for the most part. you know. i really had felt that there was some sort of shift about how i felt about my hometown. i guess itll always be that, my hometown. nj is my home state...and ill always feel a special way about the place.

what was lacking i thought to myself.

family still existed there...for the most part.

what i miss is my mom. its like...your parents are home until you make your own home.

im still in the process of getting my life together, not that it is or has been in shambles but moreso it's been hard work in progress.

you know. i never really depended on my mom for much. besides the basic things. but i dont know...she never had to get me out of a jam or anything. i never had to depend on her to hold my hand. she was always big on me doing things myself. she didnt know it but she was totally someone that learned by doing and passed that on to me. as an adult and as a parent i dont feel like im depending on her much either. sometimes i just wish i could talk to her...even if she was just nagging at me over something.

meh.