random thoughts to make a poem.

another endless night
of endless nights.
the only thing that saves is the sweet satisfaction
of sleep.

sleep to dream of my love in the cold cold night.
hold me so i can sleep
so i can forget the day.
so i can be in my mind.

my mind. free from the troubles that set us apart.

the fiery distance.
the smoldering of passion that is oft mistaken
mistaken and misplaced.

use it. use this time.

time and again.

lets sleep to dream. dream of sleep. dream of better days.

wake up to the buzzer.

refreshed for another endless night.

waiting. dreaming. wishing.

then doing.

dear new love,

please trust.

dear old love,

please trust.

please trust that i will work continually to be worthy of your love.

_me

_______________________________________

‘The tree is here, still, in pure stone’

XVI: From: ‘Las Piedras del Cielo’

The tree is here, still, in pure stone,

in deep evidence, in solid beauty,

layered, through a hundred million years.

Agate, cornelian, gemstone

transmuted the timber and sap

until damp corruptions

fissured the giant’s trunk

fusing a parallel being:

the living leaves

unmade themselves

and when the pillar was overthrown

fire in the forest, blaze of the dust-cloud,

celestial ashes mantled it round,

until time, and the lava, created

this gift, of translucent stone.

‘In the wave-strike over unquiet stones’

IX From: ‘Cien sonetos de amor’

In the wave-strike over unquiet stones

the brightness bursts and bears the rose

and the ring of water contracts to a cluster

to one drop of azure brine that falls.

O magnolia radiance breaking in spume,

magnetic voyager whose death flowers

and returns, eternal, to being and nothingness:

shattered brine, dazzling leap of the ocean.

Merged, you and I, my love, seal the silence

while the sea destroys its continual forms,

collapses its turrets of wildness and whiteness,

because in the weft of those unseen garments

of headlong water, and perpetual sand,

we bear the sole, relentless tenderness.

- Pablo Neruda

easy

im fucking loyal.

but im also so damn easy.

i can be easy for you.

loyal too.

you can be hard on me.

i want you to.

the usual. alone. late night routine.

racing thoughts through my head. as usual.

really im trying to forget that i have a pounding headache, my eyes are twitching and my shoulders and neck are stiff as concrete. i do this to myself.

hours of trolling the nets.

i wonder how ancient humans spent their time. we live lives alone...connected...but alone. the friends i have online are almost like long lost pen pals. so much history...as told by someone a world apart. its crazy when people from different lives collide, cross paths or even end up sharing a path together. for however extent of time. be it as it may. humans are social. its such a strange feeling - feeling alone. it chills my bones to the core.

i guess. have you felt that "sinking feeling"? ...to me...the feeling is so awkward internally, i cant differentiate if it feels like being punched in the gut, kneed in the balls or having taco bell come up the wrong end. anywho. without getting gross. it feels gross. it feels gross being alone.

maybe thats where a prevalence in cheating comes in. for the monogamous. we humans need the love of others...in varying capacities. dont we?

meh.

i could be doing other things at the moment.

i just hope that i can fall asleep with the weight of things (pending issues, prospects, and endeavours) on me, this damn cpap machine that i swear does less good, and a colder than usual bedroom.

lonliness is temporary, racing thoughts will subside and my brain will go into autopilot. my dreams take me to different dimensions. sometimes in a dream...ill feel surprised at myself that i hadnt woken up.

you ever have internal...conscious monologue with yourself during a dream? haha now im creeping you out huh?

i have many things to be happy about. i get stressed and depressed like everyone. we all (for the most part) run the same gambit of emotions...its funny to think that not enough ppl are on the same wavelengths. i guess its experiential, environmental to a point anyways. but still.

if you've experienced love, ecstasy, passion, kindness, and honesty...why would anyone want any different. i guess theres a darkness to everything. the yin and yang. i dabble in the darkness. but then again...who and what designates what is dark...and what is light. and how dark...or how light. ahh. im feeling like im trying to choose an alignment of a D&D character.

in any case. good night. i look forward to the sun shining another day for us. i dont think the sun will kill us all before we figure out how to move the masses to another safehaven for our species.

you know. i think about...extinction. so...we're concerned about us humans getting off earth. what about plants and animals? =/

when we ever do land on a planet that's habitable by us...wow. what a fucking trip huh? lets continue to produce intelligent, enlightened and aware individuals so the future of our species can continue.

peace, love, unity, and light.

_mark

but where?

should i now be posting blog posts?

i was thinking about the name of this blog. hah. dont wanna brag. but it think its a little clever.

lol im totally undermining my compliment to myself.

anyway.

this is just another blog. and i really cant leave this blank. i dont know what i mean there. maybe its my brain. like...it keeps filling with random thoughts and ideas...and this is a means to sort? or maybe just to vent so that my brain can relax afterwards.

if u know me in real life, im very chill. i am passionate about some things...and if u need me to educate you on something...ill be happy to teach.

ive been wondering what i should be posting and where to post those things. i have so many ideas and things to say to put out there...but dont know where they should go. meh. my problem has been motivation. my friend hanalei says to just write. so here i am writing.

lauren and i are on thefunkylife as well though. =D still have to post in there. ive just been lazy with pics and videos. meh.

this blog has been and will continue to be my ramblings of a mad man style venting device.

so whats up?

i always look back at these damn old blog posts from blogs and social networking shit from yesteryear. i get bummed out about it. in a good way i guess. im not sure. is it possible to feel sad and happy simultaneously? is that weird? id google it but id lose my train of thought. lol.

like now.

oh...about being an emo kid. right. yeah. meh. its just crazy looking back. when i think about looking back at my life as someone at 29, i feel that i hope to live to an old age. i see where i have been. where i am now. and where id like to be. the future plans are mostly in mind right now. we'll see where it all goes!

im optimistic.

ill say that i do feel pretty down sometimes.

do blogs nowadays have to always be about something in particular? lol...is this something in particular? wtf.

night folks...i need to cuddle my wife.