sleeping alone

i remember when my ex moved in and the first night it was...i guess awkward in a way.

I had been sleeping alone for the most part except for staying over at an exes here and there. but this had been the first time it was like "oh shit, this person is living with me and im going to have to get used to this weird, new thing." i think i took to it well but the ex always had sleeping issues. meh.

fast forward i dunno 8-10 years?

at this point ive been with danielle for 3 years and its been going well for the most part. she's away until friday and it was weird how uncomfortable i am sleeping alone.

its like i give in to sleep and wake up sporadically through the night with anxiety, then pass out again in another place.

i literally passed out 5 mins after getting ready to watch a show last night, in the living room. woke up at 130am or so and walked my ass to bed. from here i proceeded to wake up 3 or 4 times throughout the night.

i missed my partner.

my hope for death

if we all inevitably die physically. my hope is that when you die, its painless. that's my hope for myself and everyone. even if its unrealistic. the thought of someone going through so much pain that they died fucks with my head.