Not enough

I wish I could just go to the restroom here at work and cry. Im so busy I just don't have enough time

Bullshit

Tired of rejection. So tired.

heart overload

heart overload
my mind about to explode
in love over and over
until it takes over

heart overload
reload, reload
thoughts back to the beginning
thoughts towards the future
hearts shining in the sun
hearts mended by suture

heart overload
hearts start to explode
souls reach the universe
energies juxtaposed

heart overload
mind like gold
fragile yet brilliant
a story unfolds.

sonnet 18 - shakespeare

Sonnet 18

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? 
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date: 
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd; 
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course, untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st; 
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee. 

- William Shakespeare

entertainment

why do ppl entertain shitty people and good people get shitted on?

I just

I just want people to want to spend time with me. I'd like to be desired the way I desire those deserving of my attention.

But. Meh.

hurting thoughts

i am hurting myself with negative thoughts and dont know how to stop it.

healing

i think i need healing. all these old battle scars. these open wounds. these hurts that make me hurt others or that cloud my judgement. i need the wisdom of the entelechy of the universe, of a different realm. somewhere, someone that can help me to understand and help me to heal.

im broken and toxic and cause hurt to those around me.

sfliwnfsdngsgn

i feel like im going crazy.

and no one could give a fuck.

the nearness of you.

our love feels like a norah jones song.
our love feels like a cool breeze in the fall.
spine tingling and comforting all at once.
our love is like the warmth from the sun
our love is like the gentle rain.
sprinkling all over us from above.

worry,

here i am worrying about this shit.
do you like me enough?
am i attractive to you?
will you suck my cock?
will you make out with me too?

and you're like:

im worried for our lives
im worried for the life we've made
this thing can take our lives
in an instant
and you're acting like a babe.

it sounds trivial i know.
but for some reason
its hard letting go.
letting go of false truths.
the things i lead myself believing
so scared that you'll believe it too.

here i am worrying. about you
but here you are caring for me.
loving me, like you always do.

on fire

my brain is on fire
with thoughts of you and me
with thoughts of we
with thoughts of the things
the things that could be
that will be.

with persistence. with bravery.

my brain is on fire. lit up
like a distant star super nova
my brain is on fire, a lava flow
constant and unstoppable until something great is made.

my brain is on fire.
lit up before i expire.
my brain is on fire..changing lives before i retire.

no one does

no one likes me. i guess that's ok. but you too sometimes. you too sometimes i have to fight for attention.

ugh. anyways.

it doesn't matter. no one reads this. i don't even read it. i don't matter, nothing matters. i don't know. i just don't know.

i wish you knew how i felt. i wish i could get some help. sometimes i wish i were someone else.

let me not

let me not ruin myself.
let me keep my promises
let me persist
let me be brave
let me learn from my mistakes
let me not be insecure
let me grow and be my best
let me accept what ever direction the universe takes.

Think positive

I feel like I'm going out of my mind right now. Ugh. Thoughts racing. I need to interrupt these negative thought patterns. :/

Oh well. No one gives a fuck.

worthless

feeling so worthless
feeling like I aint worth shit
feeling hopeless
feeling like trash
feeling rejected
feeling worth less
feeling less
useless.

Easier

It's so much easier to be yourself than to try and fit into someone else's box.

Commit this moment

I want to commit this moment to memory.
I want to inhale your essence
And feel your energy

The nearness of you. Skin to skin.
Our lips press, legs intertwined
Our bodies, minds and hearts collide.

I want to commit you to memory
And associate your scent
Here
And there
So that they are bonded and drawn
As a landscape for my mind

Then we become lost in each others arms.

I want to commit this to memory
And never forget
A love like this
Knows no regrets.

More songs

More songs that once meant something in another life but mean so much more now this time around.

Song

Zzz

Tired but can't sleep.

Mind racing.

love songs. melancholy

listening to all these love songs.
some happy
some sad
some about new love
some about old love
i cant seem to get you off my mind
my heart wells up with love
my mind is occupied
my feelings extend to my soul
and here i am
listening to all these love songs.
melancholy.
melancholy.

missing you. so glad to see you.

so glad.

thankful for your smile
thankful for your simple presence
thankful for all these love songs
that somehow explain it better.

More music. Happy Valentine's Day

Music

mistakes and insecurities.

i hope that we can move on.
move on, from the wrongs i have done.

because at the end of the day, when i get to lay beside you
i just want you us to be able to look each other in the face.
in the eyes.
i want to know that it'll be alright.

because these mistakes i make and the insecurities i have
are all constructs created in fear.
i should be brave and know that you're here.

--

um. the greatest songs made sometimes say it best.

music.