the usual. alone. late night routine.

racing thoughts through my head. as usual.

really im trying to forget that i have a pounding headache, my eyes are twitching and my shoulders and neck are stiff as concrete. i do this to myself.

hours of trolling the nets.

i wonder how ancient humans spent their time. we live lives alone...connected...but alone. the friends i have online are almost like long lost pen pals. so much history...as told by someone a world apart. its crazy when people from different lives collide, cross paths or even end up sharing a path together. for however extent of time. be it as it may. humans are social. its such a strange feeling - feeling alone. it chills my bones to the core.

i guess. have you felt that "sinking feeling"? ...to me...the feeling is so awkward internally, i cant differentiate if it feels like being punched in the gut, kneed in the balls or having taco bell come up the wrong end. anywho. without getting gross. it feels gross. it feels gross being alone.

maybe thats where a prevalence in cheating comes in. for the monogamous. we humans need the love of others...in varying capacities. dont we?

meh.

i could be doing other things at the moment.

i just hope that i can fall asleep with the weight of things (pending issues, prospects, and endeavours) on me, this damn cpap machine that i swear does less good, and a colder than usual bedroom.

lonliness is temporary, racing thoughts will subside and my brain will go into autopilot. my dreams take me to different dimensions. sometimes in a dream...ill feel surprised at myself that i hadnt woken up.

you ever have internal...conscious monologue with yourself during a dream? haha now im creeping you out huh?

i have many things to be happy about. i get stressed and depressed like everyone. we all (for the most part) run the same gambit of emotions...its funny to think that not enough ppl are on the same wavelengths. i guess its experiential, environmental to a point anyways. but still.

if you've experienced love, ecstasy, passion, kindness, and honesty...why would anyone want any different. i guess theres a darkness to everything. the yin and yang. i dabble in the darkness. but then again...who and what designates what is dark...and what is light. and how dark...or how light. ahh. im feeling like im trying to choose an alignment of a D&D character.

in any case. good night. i look forward to the sun shining another day for us. i dont think the sun will kill us all before we figure out how to move the masses to another safehaven for our species.

you know. i think about...extinction. so...we're concerned about us humans getting off earth. what about plants and animals? =/

when we ever do land on a planet that's habitable by us...wow. what a fucking trip huh? lets continue to produce intelligent, enlightened and aware individuals so the future of our species can continue.

peace, love, unity, and light.

_mark